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happy ending fairy tales cannot fool me now you're not the only one who can smell fear thumbing through come a little bit closer trying to find a way to get out... trying to find a way to get out...
i want to be innocent again...
so this is what it's like living in limbo...
will write later....just decided to have a look-see around

i could be anything: irritated irritated

4 alibis or prove yourself
Love Level: 81%

Name 1:
Name 2:

From Go-Quiz.com
prove yourself
Well I am healing very nicely from the surgery, the scar is getting lighter and maybe smaller (?), but I am still freaking people out with my abnormal organs and their left side tendencies [for those who don’t know all my organs: appendix, BOTH kidneys, spleen, etc. (with the exception of the female bits) are all to the left due to a congenital mal-rotation].

Also in healing, I was having nightmares. Surgery is scary stuff, and I was getting operated on every time I went to sleep. Thank god for psychiatrists. They just up your medication until you are so dazed you don’t care about nightmares or your body doesn’t even function enough to have them. Kudos, also, to the NJ state mental health programs. ::rolls eyes::

I have been cooking. No really cooking, like following a recipe and people eat it and don’t die. I know, the same girl who had a problem boiling water and thought offering people gum was cooking. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach right? Well my man has been spending more time here ever since I have been cooking, so……

Ok now the fun stuff….

On November 18, Greg and I did the unthinkable. We went to Toys ‘R’ Us, and sat outside for 17 hours to get the new Nintendo Wii. It was freaking awesome!! We got there about 7:30 in the morning, and got our place in line (#19). It was almost like “Survivor” – I started the second island. We met this guy named Jeff and his son Jeff and Jeff’s friend Dylan. We were all comrades. It was awesome. Greg and I had been scoping out where to go to get the Wii for days before and we were going to go to Wal-Mart, but they were going to have a raffle, so we opted out on that. In fact, most of the original islanders, including Jeff and the boys, were ones that found that out the hard way.

We waited and waited, and the security people came out and said they had 160 units (which was awesome b/c we were #19), but they also said only one per family and you had to be 18 to buy one. Well this was at like 6pm. Poor Dylan had come with his friend and his friend’s dad, waited in the cold, was going to have to wait until at least midnight, and still wasn’t going to be able to buy one. I felt so bad for him. I told him I would buy it for him (he had cash), and that was the best feeling ever – it was so totally worth it. I was there to support Greg, but by chance I helped a little boy who was willing to wait the rest of the night out and get nothing in return. His face when he actually got his hands on his own Wii was priceless.

So we are waiting on these islands, and the security comes out and says that they are going to form the lime by the islands (they had been watching the order that they were forming). Well, we had devised our number system and decided that was much better, and after a few rowdy people, and a bunch of cop cars, security agreed. So just after midnight, we get to go in and make our purchase, but the people that pre-ordered were there as well, in fact they let in a father and son in after Dylan and I. The father made me so mad, I almost reached around and punched him in the face. The entire day I had been sitting outside in the cold, I am in the store with a blanket draped around me like a cape. I mean I have invested over 17 hours at this point. The father, who stood in line in 70 degree weather for 3 hours the previous weekend, told his son that he was a die-hard because not a lot of pre-order people came to pick-up their systems. I was furious.

Greg drove me home, we had 2 cars, but mine broke down, and I went to sleep, but the next day was the dawn of the Wii. I have never had so much fun with a console. It came with a sports pack that has bowling and tennis, boxing, golf and baseball. Plus we made our own little people called Mii’s. It was awesome. Greg brought it over for thanksgiving, and over the weekend, while we had guests, and even my parents were playing.

Thanksgiving was, well, eventful. We had a tsunami hit the laundry room. Something about a clogged drain and my grandmother exclaimed gleefully that the rolls were bad. She meant they weren’t bad, but it came out wrong. Also, on thanksgiving eve, I didn’t go drinking, I went to the grocery store with my mom and dad at like 11:30 trying to earn enough points to get a free turkey, that we didn’t need b/c I had already picked up the one from the casino with my grandparents on Monday.

Friday I spent time with my honey, and then came home to get ready for Scott and Janet to arrive. We had plans to go to Helium (the comedy club in Philly), and they were all kinds of late, but somehow beat us to the club. We had an awesome time. We saw Kevin Brennan, and Greg bought me his CD, which he signed for me. After that we came back here and watched “Full Metal Jacket.” Janet was so funny, she wasn’t sure she was allowed to watch it.

So Saturday was the wedding. We were all getting ready and we had discussed how we wanted a picture of the 5 gooch girls, since out of like the 21 grandchildren, only five of them are girls (well gooch girls, anyway). It was awesome when we got to the church and we were all wearing black. We got a gorgeous picture of the five of us in front of a fireplace at Lucien’s Manor. We had fun, we danced, we talked, they drank, I had soda, and then we came home, took some pictures for fun and played more Wii. Greg ended up sleeping over.

Sunday morning, my mom made brunch for all of us and my gram. We were all waking up at different times, and Greg went upstairs to make coffee and Scott comes moseying out into the family room. He looks at me and says really quiet like “Can we turn it on?” referring to the Wii. I told him yes and the Wii fun began again.

It was so much fun, we played some, ate, then talked some and then played with the pictures from Saturday. Janet and Scott went back to Maryland, Gram and Greg left and the weekend kind of ended. But it was a blast. Can’t wait to do it again!!!
prove yourself
ok so i need to rant here for a little bit...bear with me please...

1. my last job screwed me so that i am off by $54 dollars from getting my unemployment - i am so pissed - i cannot find a job - and i don't want to work at mcdonalds - sorry to any that work in the fast food industry but as a recovering anorectic (anorexic? i don't know the correct terminology anymore) i don't want to work around one of my major nemesis'

2. how come it seems like everyone but me is getting married?? i just pose the question - i have been with a great guy for 3 years and i am like, ok let me illustrate: marriage-----------------------------------------------------me. it's sad. i'm gonna be old and wrinkly when i have kids and won't let anyone take family pictures.

3. why do people ask me to do things, double check with me to make sure it's ok, go over details of the event(s) with me and then just crap out? and to top it off 5 days and a few calls from my end later, still no idea what the hell happened. i mean i understand if something happened, but could you clue me in since i put aside a chunk of my time for your task and got diddly squat in return.

4. why are only my arms tan? well make that really most of my upper body? i mean my legs are linen white and i have laid out, been to the shore and the like. are my legs protesting pigment?

5. why do doctors suck? they either don't want to treat you OR give you medicine that they know makes you sick from a previous incident? i did not have to miss practice or throw up on my car like a 2 beer queer leaving happy hour last night. and i can't get the medicine i really need. ugh!!!!

5b. why after 2 years and 2 weeks in a HOSPITAL can't they fucking figure out what is wrong with my mommom?

6. how is maury povich still on the air? being unemployed i have delved into the depths of jerry springer/maury povich hell. how many baby daddies must one woman parade on tv? we all know she's a huge slut (and i mean that with pun intended) so why not bring in all the men in a 30 mile radius get their blood and just run it on through that dna machine, maybe a 60 mile radius or more if she has been on a previous episode about how she is 13 and can't wait to get pregnant (they all claim to have had like a gajillion sexual partners) at that point, how can sex even be fun? i mean you are so worn out i'm sure they don't feel a damned thing, maybe that's why theu have no idea who the father is, they don't remember feeling the act of sex. now, if they were on the springer show, you would have to look no further than their immediate gene pool (if the 2 heads or no arms didn't already tip you off that something was amiss in this eqaution) i saw more cousins sleeping with cousins and midgets and rednecks and the kkk than i ever plan to find in my local blockbuster store.

finally - for now...
7. my mailman sucks!!

Current Location: my room
i could be anything: pissed off pissed off
singing inside me: saw in the background

prove yourself
so it's been a bit....
let me catch everyone up...

i've been sick for like the last...i can't remember when i felt good...

i got taken out of work in an ambulance for pluerisy and bronchial spasms (this was a Tuesday)...stayed home...had a nebulizer brought over and thought all was well...well the coughing was horrible and i started coughing up blood (this was the weekend)...so i go back to the doctors on monday they give me some kind of cortizone or something shot, steroids, a narcotic cough syrup that makes me retarded and an antibiotic...i think i'm doing better, so i go back to work on thursday...everything goes well and i stay the whole day and go to the doe meeting at meggan's that night...the next day however, i start coughing again...and this time blood comes up...before it was just a little - maybe covered the palm of my hand, this time i filled the toilet bowl...so i went back to the doctors and they send me to the hospital to be admitted...this is friday...i get admitted friday night and am there until monday afternoon, but b/c of all the antibiotics and steriods my potassium level is 2.9 (normal s/b 4.0)...so i am taking horse pills and can't work or do much...i get sent to the hospital 2x for stat blood tests to check my potassium...when it finally reaches 3.7 they klet me go back to work (a tuesday)like a week after i get out of the hospital....i work all that week and monday, get my last potassium blood test and go home...then my stimach starts to hurt...i go to sleep and think all is well...well i am stupid...i wake up with excrutiating pain and diarrhea...my sister takes me to work, but it persists....i call the doctor...i just wanted a prescription to make the diarrhea stop...they send me to the hospital again...ugh...so i'm back and they want to do a cat scan so they give me barium to drink and i throw most of it up so the test is inconclusive...i have to go to my doctors who tells me i just had a bug...

just sucks...now i have a shitty cold that is really sucky...can't breathe...i cough and my nose blows itself...it's fun all around...

ugh...life hates me...

Current Location: my room
i could be anything: sick sick
singing inside me: win a date with tad hamilton in background

1 alibi or prove yourself
You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

that was damn hard!!!!

i could be anything: cranky cranky
singing inside me: so long toots - cherry poppin' daddies

prove yourself

i could be anything: loved loved
singing inside me: count on my love - liz phair

1 alibi or prove yourself
You scored 39% exotic, 55% fragile, and 57% complex!
Traditional flower symbolism: modesty.

Which is ironic, seeing how it's called "Cosmos." Cause there are much
more aggrandizing names out there, like...ummm...no, can't think of any

Your opposite is the Lotus.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 48% on exotic
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You scored higher than 90% on fragile
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You scored higher than 22% on complex
Link: The What Flower Are You? Test written by gnomee666 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Sponge Bob
59% friendliness
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend
that anyone could ever have and never want to lose. You never cause harm
to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a
journey, it's funny and calm for the most part.

Stay away from traitors and jealous people, then you will be stress free.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 58% on friendliness
Link: The Cartoon Character Personality Test written by jfrakes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Woody Allen
Your film will be 57% romantic, 40% comedy, 34% complex plot, and a $ 35 million budget.

Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City --
though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music
soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall,
Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, etc. Woody has
released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the
past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier
ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest
throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 75% on action-romance
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You scored higher than 69% on humor
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You scored higher than 41% on complexity
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You scored higher than 65% on budget
Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

You scored 30 romanticism, 8 adventurousness, and 38 dominance!
Movie: "Sixteen Candles"

Status: Rich, handsome upperclassman.

He'll woo you with: Simple, meaningful gestures that make you feel special.

Why he's a catch: Willing to dump the prom queen for "something serious" with an awkward sophomore. Can pull off a sweater vest.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 0% on romanticism
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You scored higher than 0% on adventurousness
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You scored higher than 0% on dominance
Link: The 80s Teen Movie Boyfriend Test written by clockworkbird on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

4 optimism, 2 faith, and 2 logic!

Optimists are a dying breed in this day and age. To the optimists, the
world is a positive place. Everything is inherently good, and all
things will work out in the end. They believe violence will one day be
replaced with logic and reason, and that all religions can coexisist
peacefully. These are the people who always see the glass half full,
and believe that we live in the best possible world.

Famous optimists include: Gottfried Leibniz, William Godwin.

The opposite of Optimism is Skepticism.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 82% on optimism
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 73% on faith
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 37% on logic
Link: The What's Your Philosophy? Test written by Cyrix311 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Congratulations! You scored 89!

You have successfully knitted your soul to the individual you are
with!! You are truly in love! It is a great place to be, but just
remember not to take your lover for granted. He or she is counting on
your devotion and commitment!
Christopher, I love you most! xoxo

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 66% on passionpoints
Link: The True Love Test written by lizard_queen on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

2 Elements
Your true zodiac sign is Aquarius!

Aquarians are interesting and attractive people. They can be shy,
sensitive, gentle and patient or enthusiastic and lively with a
tendency to be exhibitionists. Both types are strong willed and
forceful in their own way. Very opinionated with strong convictions,
they fight for what they believe in. They will argue vehemently for
what they believe to be true.
These are farsighted people and innovative. They are generally without
prejudice and quite tolerant of the point of view of others. They have
an interesting side to their nature that allows them to see a valid
argument even when they disagree with it. They are quite objective folk
and never get waylaid by being too close to an issue or person.
Aquarius is truly a humane, human being. Known to be frank and
outspoken, Aquarius makes for a serious and genial companion. Refined
and idealistic, romantic but practical, they are personable and likable
Quick in mind and quick to respond, Aquarians love activity and are
quite reasonable, though difficult to get close to. They cherish and
guard their independence, and are a strange mixture of caring concern
and cool detachment. They will go out of their way to help when needed,
but never get involved emotionally.

Did this description fit you well? Did you enjoy my test? Please rate it and feel free to shoot me some feedback!!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 76% on Elements
Link: The Real Zodiac Sign Test written by katylove on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The Suave Lover
40% partner focus, 57% aggressiveness, 40% adventurousness
Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring
or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather pursue than be pursued and,
when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the
experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Suave Lover.

The Suave Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is reminiscent
of some of the most classic lover figures of all time, such as Casanova
or Don Juan, or more recently James Bond (several of the "Bond girls"
fit this type, too). This shouldn't be confused with a "player" or
someone who is solely interested in physical love, but someone who is
looking for an incredibly elusive thing: a worthy partner. The Suave
Lover is a treasure to find, but can be incredibly difficult to hold on
to, once found.

In terms of physical love, the Suave Lover can sometimes be
surprisingly tender. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the
Suave Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Devoted Lover (most of all) or the Romantic Lover, or the Liberated Lover.


If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you
might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in
the following:

Nerds, Geeks & Dorks

Professional Wrestling

Buffy the Vampire Slayer



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 11% on partner focus
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 57% on aggressiveness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 19% on adventurousness
Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

i could be anything: cold cold
singing inside me: but i do love you - leann rimes

prove yourself
Carole Lombard
You scored 23% grit, 4% wit, 38% flair, and 47% class!

You're a little bit of a fruitcake, but you always act out in style.
You have a good sense of humor, are game for almost anything, but you
like to have nice things about you and are attracted to the high life.
You're stylish and modern, but you've got a few rough edges that keep
you from attaining true sophistication. Your leading men include
William Powell, Fredric March, and Clark Gable. Watch out for small

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 59% on grit
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on wit
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 50% on flair
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 93% on class
Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

i could be anything: tired tired
singing inside me: best i ever had - david gray

prove yourself
so i guess it's been a pretty long time since i've let anyone in on the life of beth up to this point...i've been a little selfish (not to mention lazy).......here goes....

as most of you know i had to resign my position at amerisource bergen because of my massive weight loss...speaking of that, let me elaborate....i was a healthy 110lbs in like may and by the beginning of september i was down to the low 90's...not real great..also i was having panic attacks that were lasting for hours at a time, so after 2 e.r. visits and a failed attempt at outpatient treatment i was referred to renfrew...only thing was it was residential and 30 days long...and i didn't have enought ime left in sick an vacay to hold me through and i didn't have enough time with the company to have them put me on short term disability...so the conundrum started....

september 26th (i think that was the date - it was a tuesday) i checked in to renfrew - greg, my parents and allison all went up with me and then i started my "recovery" (which was really just getting my stuff searched and me sobbing uncontrollably b/c my cell phone died and i couldn't reach my family or greg and i was scared)

that first day they were pretty lenient about the meals.."eat what you can"...ok i figured i could deal with that...but after that i was in a whole different ball game...there was the demeaning standing in the hallway at 5:30 am in a hospital gown and underwear waiting to get weighed and get gatorade becasue my blood pressure was wacky...then there were the meals...they promised that you wouldn't be watch but you were and you had to eat every and i mean EVERY thing that was on your plate, you couldn't even leave a drop of syrup or they would make you lick it out of the container...horrible...and so based on how much you ate was based on how much ensure (a.k.a. chalky crap) they gave you as punishment...that didn't fair so well with me so i refused it and every meal thereafter

after the 2nd day, i had actually lost weight...i started in there at almost 94lbs and i was down to 90 now...so i got put on bed rest...they told me my heart was too weak and that i would die before my grandfather and tried to scare the shit out of me - which didn't make me eat more so they added ativan (at what dose i have no idea) to my regimen and i was their zombie...

at this point i had not shat for days, which was really unconfortable so before i drifted into my hazy land of sleep i went into the bathroom with a mission, which i accomplished and told in great detail during dinner(which they had to wake me up to go to)

by now i am doped out of my mind, can't walk straight, can't focus...so i decide i am done here...i can do this on my own...so i call a little meeting with all the people that were in charge of my "case" and they advised against it saying my heart could give out and telling my parents (who, with greg and my sister, were furious with my decision) that they could have me committed if i didn't do what i said i was gonna do...and that was to get better...

needless to say...that friday my dad picked me up and life changed for good

the whole mess upset my sister so bad she stayed at my grandparents for the entire weekend and still wouldn't talk to me when she did eventually come home, greg came by that friday - and he sat there with a look of disappointment but he promised to work with me as my parents - althought they told me that they wouldn't hesitate to commit me if they felt they had to...

soooooooooooo...i made some drs appts., met with a nutritionist and gained about 5lbs in a week or so on my own...i stayed there for a while and was really having a hard time with my panic attacks still so they were switching my medication left and right....

then i had another trip to the e.r. - which really agitated greg - and they sent me again to try outpatient but this time i was adamant - i told the gay guy who did the intake that if he recommended a place they had better damn sure give me a guarantee or i wasn't even going to interview with them...this is now november...

in mid october - maybe 3 weeks(tops) - after i had left amerisource bergen i was healthy enough to go back to work...when i had left they told me they would try to keep my position open and as long as it was still open i was welcome back....i called them to let them know and they told me they were not interested in re-hiring me even though they were running ads for my position for several weeks prior and after this contact...that just really irked me beyond belief, but i decided to just let it go...

so i finally get placed in the day program (affectionately known as the after school special) at the local hospital where i went daily to have group and individual therapy...again a ton of medicine changes, but they ironed somethings out and pinpointed some of my disorders - so now i know what i have and can better help myself...i finished up there in the beginning of december - after my aunt's wedding and thanksgiving at greg's brother's

still no job...i had applied for unemployment and was turned down, no social security either....and thanks to one of my disorders i had racked up several thousands of dollars worth of debt with no job or means of to pay for it...so life was just peachy...

spent christmas eve with my family and then christmas with greg's(he's going to an uncle again in august - i guess that means i'm going to be and "aunt" again too?)

christmas was a nightmare, first of all nana toni's foot got infected and the medicine they gave her made her so sick we had to open her presents for her on christmas, then the tuesday following christas she was admitted into a hospital down the shore, then after 2 weeks she was transferred to a rehab center(she's home now and doing great)...new year's was a quiet celebration of just me and greg(asleep before the ball dropped)

now i am sending resumes out like crazy, calling about job positions, driving back and forth from cherry hill to multiple doctors appointments, quoting my phone number in my sleep from all the messages i ahve left and still nothing...so finally...after like 10, 000 resumes and some shady interviews, interviewed at toppers, which is in the industrial park near my house and they decided to hire me...yay!!! ::everyone jumps for joy:: and on top of that i am making more here to start than what i made at amerisource bergen, so HA!

the last weekend in january greg and i made reservations in philly and stayed for the chinese new year (we had duck and i got a ton of touron momentos that i treasure) as sort of a fun thing to do....it just so happened it was the last weekend before i started work(this past monday)...which was a little slow but my today we were moving along pretty well so i was excited...

ok...well...i think i put the bulk of it in here...anything i forgot well..forget about it...heehee

later dolls

i could be anything: indescribable indescribable
singing inside me: flying without wings - westlife

prove yourself